That wasn't supposed to happen...
by Paper Crane
Summary: The humorous results of when Misto messes up a spell (Cats fic)


That wasn't supposed to happen...  
By: Paper Crane  
  
A/N: Just to let you know, some parts of this story might not make sense if you haven't read my other Cats fic: "Could this day get any worse?". Also, I must say, I'm kind of mean to Misto in this one (but not cruel, it's silly!). I've probably scarred him for life. I hope all you Misto fans will forgive me! ^.^   
  
Enjoy!  
  
Mistoffelees looked up from his book, smiling. The spell would be perfect!"  
  
"Tugger'll be pleased," he thought, reading the title of the incantation over again. 'A spell to remove stubborn paint stains' it read. In all of his grooming, Tugger had not been able to get the paint stains that he had acquired the day before out.  
  
"Turpentantia." Misto muttered the spell under his breath. "Turpentantia, turpentantia, turpentantia. Gotta remember that." Carefully, he shut the book. "Now I've just gotta find Tugger. Shouldn't be too hard," he though dryly, "I've just gotta look for large groups of drooling queens."  
After stowing the book far back in his pipe, Misto set out to get Tugger. He didn't have far to look. Out past the main clearing of the junkyard, Tugger was grooming on a pile of tires, surrounded by six or seven queens.  
  
"Hello," Misto said quietly, walking past them to Tugger.  
  
"Hello, Mistoffelees," Tantomile said politely. The other cats ignored him, concentrating on the cat atop the tires. Misto shook his head and jumped up next to the grooming tom.   
  
"Hello, Tugger," he said cheerfully. Tugger merely grunted, still not in the best of moods. "I found a spell that should get rid of those paint splotches."  
  
This seemed to perk Tugger up a bit. "Really?"  
  
"Yeah!" answered Misto. He rubbed his hands together, causing glittery dust to fly out from between them. "Care to give it a try?"  
  
"Hey everyone!" rang out Etcetera's voice from below. "Misto's gonna do magic, come see!"  
  
Misto found himself blushing. "Just a bit!" he called. "No big deal!" Several other cats, kittens mostly, came over to watch.  
  
"What do I gotta do?" asked Tugger.  
  
"Um, just close your eyes, I guess." Tugger complied. "Okay, here I go."  
  
He fluttered his hands, making sparkles go everywhere. This was only for show, and he enjoyed the "oohs" and "ahs" it inspired.  
  
"Turpentendium!" he said in a commanding voice. And, amazingly....nothing happened.  
  
"Ummmm..." he mumbled, staring at his hands.  
  
"Did it work?" Tugger asked. He opened his eyes and saw the blue splotches still there. "Apparently not."  
  
"I don't understand. The paint should have come off. Perhaps I said the spell wrong." Misto sighed dejectedly and jumped off the pile. "I'll go look at the book again, see if I can get the spell right."  
  
"Don't worry about it," Tugger called after him. "My humans are convinced I need a bath anyway, so it doesn't really matter if the splotches are out or not."  
  
Misto nodded and started back towards his pipe. Before he was half way there, though, he found that he was being followed.  
  
"Hi Misto," came a giggly queen's voice.  
  
"Um, uh, hi Etcetera," Misto answered, turning around. To his surprise, he found not only Etcetera behind him, but Electra, Tantomile, Victoria, and Jemima as well.  
  
"Would you like something?" he asked. The queens all giggled and blushed.  
  
"We wanted to tell you what a great job you did with your magic!" exclaimed Etcetera.  
  
"Yeah, you were super-super great!" added Victoria.  
  
"Misto blinked slowly, very confused. "Um, th-thank you, I guess. It didn't work though."  
  
"That's okay," consoled Electra. "You were still great!" Tantomile and Jemima said nothing, just gazed at him adoringly.  
  
Misto found himself blushing again. "Uh, thanks. Thanks. Um, why don't you go talk to the Rum Tum Tugger? Or something?" He was beginning to feel flustered.  
  
"The Rum Tum Tugger?" asked Etcetera. "Who needs him?"  
  
At this comment, Misto turned tail and ran. He wasn't just confused now. He was scared.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"There! Finished!" Tugger announced, done with his grooming. Jumping off the tires, he looked around for a queen or two to flirt with. No one.  
  
"Where'd all the queen's go?" he wondered. "Oh well, can't have gone far. They all need their daily dose of Tugger!"  
  
Swaying his hips, he searched for his little fan club. to his absolute shock, he found them sitting outside of Mistoffelees pipe. After pausing for a moment, he swaggered over.  
  
"Hey ladies," he drawled, throwing an arm around Electra and Victoria. "What'cha looking for?"  
  
"Misto." Victoria said pointedly, shrugging his arm off. Electra did the same. Tugger's mouth fell open. 'What!?' He shook his head.  
  
"What's so great about Misto?" he asked, giving Etcetera a kiss on the cheek. She glared at him, hissing a bit.  
  
"Jerk," she muttered. "Misto would never he so rude!" The others nodded in agreement.  
  
"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Tugger apologized dryly, putting on a smile. "Didn't mean to offended ya. But what is so special 'bout Misto?"  
  
"Well," started Etcetera, "he has the cutest smile, and he's so polite, and he's shy, which makes him even cuter, and he can do magic!"  
  
Tugger was very confused, now, and more then a bit worried. He tried to shrug it off, though. "Why, ladies!" he exclaimed, "Misto sounds truly delightful, but what about me?"  
  
All six queens looked at him strangely. Finally, Jemima spoke up.  
  
"What about you, Tugger?"  
  
At this, Tugger turned tail and ran. He wasn't just confused now. He was scared.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" moaned Mistoffelees, pacing back and forth inside his pipe. "This is bad, this is bad bad bad!  
  
Misto was trapped. One end of his pipe was blocked off about six feet back by a large slab of slate. And the front? Blocked by... Them.  
  
"Oh, not good, not good, not good! I can't get out! If I try, who knows what they'll do to me? I've seen the way they act around Tugger, I'll be torn apart for sure!" He paused to shudder, then continued pacing and talking to himself. "but if I stay here, I'll starve to death, or, or, get sick, or, go insane! Oh no!" his paws flew over his mouth. "I'm talking to myself! I'm going insane already! The walls are closing in! Can't breathe, can't breathe, aieeeeeeee!!!!!!" with a wail, he fell melodramatically against the side of the pipe. He lay silently for a moment, then quickly sat up, ears twitching.  
  
"What's that I hear? Silence? No-no giggles? Are they, are they gone?"  
  
He crawled to the mouth of the pipe and cautiously peered out. No one.  
  
"Thank heaviside," he breathed. "I've gotta find Coricopat. This weirdness has got to have something to do with that spell. Coricopat'll know what to do. I hope."  
  
Quietly, he slipped out of his pipe, looking around for Coricopat. He wasn't to be seen anywhere.  
  
"Must be further into the yard," Misto decided, and immediately set off.   
  
He hadn't gone more then ten feet when...  
  
"Look! There he is!"  
  
Misto whirled around to see Etcetera, Jemima, Electra, Tantomile, Rumpleteaser, and Cassandra coming up behind him.  
  
"Ahhhhhhh!!" he screamed, and took off. Running, running as fast as he could away from certain torture and probable death. Running, straight into...  
  
"Ow! Misto, watch where you're going!"  
  
"Alonzo!" Misto gasped. "Alonzo, you've gotta help me!"  
  
"With what?" Alonzo asked, rubbing his side where Misto had run into him.  
  
"Them!" Misto squeaked, jumping behind the older tom as this pursuers caught up with him.  
  
"What the-?" muttered Alonzo as six giggling queens ran up.  
  
"Oh, Misto!" called Etcetera, trying to dart around Alonzo, "we have a surprise for you!"   
  
"Yeah!" added Rumpleteaser, puckering her lips, "It'll be great!"  
  
Misto made a rather interesting sound at this and tried to hide under Alonzo's tail.  
  
"Okay, okay, ladies, please! Give the poor cat some air!" commanded Alonzo. The queens backed away the tiniest big. Misto poked his head out from behind Alonzo. Cassandra blew him a kiss. He squeaked and hid again.  
  
"Now ladies. Misto may be magical, but he needs his space as much as anyone else. Please, give'm a break, okay? Just, leave him along for a little while."  
  
The queens nodded reluctantly and drifted off., leaving a very frightened Misto still behind Alonzo.  
  
"Now Misto," Alonzo started, turning to look at the younger tom. "Misto, I don't know what you did to encourage those queens, but-"  
  
"I didn't do anything!" exclaimed Misto.  
  
"Are you sure?" asked Alonzo. "Those queens will go after anything if they get the right message."  
  
"I'm sure," Misto assured him.  
  
"Well," sighed Alonzo, "I don't know. Maybe they're playing a trick on Tugger."  
  
Misto shrugged, "Maybe. But, whatever they're doing, it's frightening."  
Alonzo nodded. "I know how you feel, buddy. Queens can be pretty scary. Especially when ten or twelve of them gang up on you and chase you around the junkyard and grab your tail and drag you-"  
  
"Ah!" Misto yelped, holding up his paws. "Stop! I don't want to hear anymore!"  
  
"Okay, okay," Alonzo complied, looking slightly miffed to have his story interrupted.   
  
"Why don't you go take a nap for a couple hours. You look pretty wiped out. Things'll probably be cleared up when you wake."  
  
Misto nodded miserably. "Thanks, Alonzo."  
  
"No problem," Alonzo replied. "See you."  
  
Misto watched as he was left alone. Slightly panicked at having no protection, he whirled around, making sure that there were no queens hiding and ready to pounce. Shuddering, but seeing no one, Misto decided to heed Alonzo's advice and take a nap. He was feeling a bit tired, and besides, he could talk to Coricopat in a while. What would a few hours hurt?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The Rum Tum Tugger was feeling rather ill. No queen had so much as looked at him in the past thirty minutes.  
  
"A whole half hour," he moaned, "and no queen will talk to me. They've all gone drooly over Misto! What has he got that I don't have?"  
  
This question firmly planted in his mind, he fluffed his mane and went to go ask the queens just that. Unfortunately, the first queens he saw were chasing a screaming Misto across the junkyard.  
  
"Lucky kid," he muttered. "I remember when life was good like that." He seemed to have forgotten that only forty five minutes ago he had his own fan club.  
  
Sighing and feeling rather dejected, Tugger wandered around, trying to find some queen to talk to. He was delighted to find Bombalurina and Demeter grooming on a tire. Putting a little swing in his hips, he sauntered over.  
  
"Hel-lo, ladies," he said, very suavely. At least, in his opinion he was suave. the queens just looked at him as though he were a giant hairball.  
  
"Hello, Tugger," Demeter finally said. Bomb said nothing, just continued to groom her whiskers. Tugger's patience reached it's end.  
  
"What is it with all you queens?!" he cried. The two just looked at him as though he were completely insane.  
  
"Ate you completely insane?" Bomb asked, looking up from her grooming. "Nothing's the matter with us. We've just figured out what a big loser you are."   
  
"Loser?" gasped Tugger. "Loser? Loser?! Now, hold on just a minute. I may be many things, but I certainly not a loser."  
  
"Trust me, Tug. You're a genuine, bonified, loser. I mean," she continued, over Tugger's incoherent sputters, "look at Mistoffelees over there. He doesn't go throwing himself at every queen he sees."  
  
Demeter nodded in agreement, and both queens gazed across the junkyard to Misto, what was currently making his shaky way back to his pipe.  
  
Tugger, however, was deep in thought. 'He doesn't throw himself at every girl he sees? Well, it's not like I do that either,' he realized, leaning back suggestively on Bomb. The red queen hissed slightly, and pushed him away.  
  
'Well,' he thought, very upset. 'If hard to get is what they want, then it's what they'll get.' Without another word he stalked off.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
"Almost there," Misto coached himself as he sat, hiding, in a cardboard box about ten feet from his pipe. "Just, just jump out and run for it. You're almost there. They won't see you."  
  
Getting up his courage, the black and white tom jumped out of his box and sprinted for the pipe. He was almost there when two queens stepped in front of him.  
  
"Hello, Misto," the taller one purred.  
  
"Um, uh, um, h-h-hi, Bom-bomba, uh, hi Bomb," stuttered a flustered Misto. "And, hi D-de-demeter." The two queens grinned at him in response. Misto, feeling rather alarmed, tried to work his way around them. "I-I n-need to go pipe n-now," He tried to explain. "I-I mean, I uh, e-excuse me."  
  
The furiously blushing tom tried to get around the queens, but they continued to block his way.  
  
"Just a second there, Tiger," grinned the scarlet queen, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Misto gulped.  
  
"W-w-w-wh-wha-what?" he gasped.  
  
"I was thinking, would you like to join me at my box tonight?" We could have a bit of nip, get to know each other a bit better."  
  
Thump  
  
"Um, Bomb?  
  
"Yes, Demi?   
"I think you killed him."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Misto woke up a little bit later to a blessedly empty pipe. Bomb and Demeter were gone, to his intense relief. Sighing, he tried to go back to sleep. He really didn't want to think right now. But, he heard it again. Giggling.  
  
"Oh, Misto!" he heard Etcetera call. "Come out! We've got a present for you!"  
  
"Don't go out there," he murmured to himself. "Don't go out there.... Don't go out there...."  
  
"But what if they want to show me something good?" he answered himself.  
  
"I doubt that there's anything good to those queens."  
  
"We'll, I'll have to come out sometime, and-" He slapped his paw over his mouth. "Oh, Heaviside, I'm talking and answering myself. I'm going insane already!"   
  
"C'mon, Misto!" he heard Electra yell. "You know you want to come out!"  
  
Almost against his will, Misto found himself sneaking to the front of the pipe. There, sitting in a circle in front of it were Victoria, Jemima, Tantomile, Cassandra, and Exotica.  
  
"But, where's Electra and Etcetera?" he wondered, sticking his head out a bit. The queens all squealed and giggled to see him.  
  
"Oh Mis-to!" he heard Etcetera sing. It sounded like she was... above him? He looked up. There was a split second view of Electra, Rumpleteaser, and Etcetera sitting on top of the pipe, when...  
  
"Waaaaaah!!!" he screamed, as Rumpleteaser and Electra grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him up on the pipe.  
  
"Present for ya!" giggled Etcetera, and kissed him on the lips.  
  
"Help..." he moaned, struggling away. He tried to run, but Rumple and Electra held him fast.  
  
"What are you doing to that poor tom?" cried a very bossy voice from below. Misto's heart lept. It was Jennyanydots!  
  
"Jenny!" he called, feeling rather embarrassed, " Help!"  
  
"You queens shoo, leave poor Mistoffelees alone," Jenny ordered.  
  
"Aw, Jenny, we were just playing," groaned Etcetera, jumping down from the perch. Misto's other two capturers released him and exited as well.  
  
"See ya, Misto!" called Victoria over her shoulder as the queens all walked off in a large, giggling group.  
  
"Are you okay, Misto? Those queens can be pretty brutal."  
  
Misto. climbed down, at ease around Jenny. 'At least she won't go all freaky on me.'  
  
"You know, Misto," Jenny started, "you look pretty tired. Would you like to come over to my flat this evening? Skimble won't be there," she added, deviously, "and we could send the kittens away. We could-"  
  
"AHHHHHHHH!!!! " screamed Misto, "Not you too!" With that, he sprinted away to hide under a pile of tires, leaving a rather annoyed looking Jenny in front of his pipe.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I don't know how Misto manages to pull off this whole hard to get thing," Tugger muttered angrily. He had gone fifteen minutes without even looking at any queens, and where had it gotten him?  
  
"Nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. The queens are still swooning over Mr. Sparkly-pants. It's not fair!"  
  
A small voice inside of him tried to say that fifteen minutes was too short a time to tell anything, but Tugger conveniently tuned it out.   
  
"I better go find this new 'stud', and try to figure out what's going on." This decided, he jumped down from the car on which he had been sunning himself and looked around.  
  
'Oh, there he is, talking to Jenny by the pipe. Oh, no, wait, now he's screaming and running away. He seems to be doing a lot of that lately. Okay, he's under those tires. Perfect.'  
  
As casually as possible, Tugger sauntered over to the tire pile and peered in. he couldn't see anything, but he heard muttering.  
  
"Misto?" he called  
  
"Ahhhhh!" Misto squealed in response, "Don't kiss me!"  
  
'Kiss him?' Tugger contemplated, 'Why in the world would I kiss him?'  
  
"Trust me, Misto," he called into the dark, "I'm not like that."  
  
"Tugger?" gasped the hiding tom. He walked towards the opening a bit. Tugger could see the white of his face amongst the tires. "Tugger, is that you?"  
  
"Yes, it's me, and you've got some explaining to do," he snarled, pulling Misto out by the scruff of his neck.  
  
"Oh Tugger!" Misto wailed, "this past hour has been horrible! They won't, they won't leave me alone!" The poor tom looked as though he were about to cry.  
  
Tugger's heart softened a bit. Carefully, he set the smaller cat down. "I know how you feel, pal. The queens haven't even looked at me ever since you tried to cast that spell!"  
  
At that statement, Misto slapped his forehead. "Oh, I am so stupid! The spell! I bet I messed up the spell and ended up messing around with the queen's heads. Or something!"  
  
Tugger's heart plummeted. "A spell? Oh great. Just what we need. Can you reverse it?"  
  
"I don't know," Misto replied slowly. "Coricopat might, though.. I was going to ask him about it, but I got kinda distracted."  
  
"Well, we'd better go talk to him now. I don't know if I can take much more of this."  
  
"You can't take much more of this?" cried Misto, "You're not the one who has Jennyanydots hitting on you!"  
  
"Don't be so sure. You should have seen her at the last ball!" Tugger said, and with a grin took off to where Coricopat and Tantomile were sitting. Misto followed, pouting.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hold on a minute, you did what?" asked Coricopat. He, Tugger, and Misto were alone in a deserted part of the junkyard. Tantomile had run off, blushing, when she was Misto coming.  
  
"I tried to cast a spell to make Tugger's paint splotches go away," explained Misto, "but I must have messed it up or something, because afterwards all the queens started going crazy!"  
  
The psychic cat contemplated this for a moment, then asked "What exactly did you say?"  
  
"Um.... " Misto stalled, struggling to remember. "Uh, the spell word was, um, Turpentantia, I think." Coricopat nodded. "Go on..."  
  
"And, that was really really hard to remember. I tried, but, I think I said, um, Turpentendium. Yeah, that's it. Turpentendium."  
  
Coricopat sat silently for a moment, then burst into uncharacteristically uproarious laughter.  
  
"What's so funny?: asked Misto, extremely confused. Tugger just glared.  
  
Coricopat tried desperately to calm down. "You used the, *giggle* the, the, *snort* you used the..." he couldn't finish, he was laughing too hard.  
  
Misto and Tugger glared down at the cat who was now rolling on the ground, laughing hysterically. Coricopat, noticing their cold looks, tried again to stop laughing.  
  
"Oh, Misto, no wonder all the queens have been chasing after you! And ignoring you, Tugger." He stopped for another spurt of giggles. "See, see," he continued, once under control, "Misto, you used the Turpentendium spell, which is about as far as you can get from the Turpentantia spell. They have nothing to do with each other." He had to stop here for yet another giggle fit.  
  
Meanwhile, Tugger glared at both Misto and Coricopat in turn. Misto looked at the ground, wondering what he could have done now.  
  
Coricopat finally calmed down enough to continue. "It's kind of hard to describe what happens when you use the Turpentendium spell. Basically, in the eyes of queens, Misto has made it so you two have switched places."  
  
Tugger growled a bit. "What do you mean, 'switch places'? What has Misto done?" He glared at the aforementioned tom. Misto studied his feet.  
  
"Well, the spell has made it so that the queens now find Misto as, erm, desirable as they did you, Tugger, before."  
  
"That wasn't supposed to happen," Misto mumbled, still staring down.  
  
"It had better no have." growled Tugger. Turning to Coricopat, he asked: "So, what do we do now? Are the queens going to detest me forever?"  
  
At this, Misto's head sprang up. He looked rather panicked. "Am I going to be hit on by every queen in the junkyard for the rest of my life?"  
  
"No no!" laughed Coricopat. "The spell should wear off in about two weeks-"  
  
"Two weeks!?" chorused the other two.  
  
"I can't last two weeks!" moaned Tugger.  
  
"I'll be dead within two weeks," Misto added.  
  
"Or," continued Coricopat, glaring a bit at the interruption, "Misto can just reverse the spell by saying it backwards, and everything will be the way it was."  
  
"Ohhhhhhh..." the other two answered.  
  
"So, go on Misto" Tugger prompted.  
  
"Okay, okay. Uh, Muidnetneprut!" Nothing seemed to happen, but Coricopat was nodding.  
  
"Good, good. You should be fine now."  
  
"Well, lets go see," answered Tugger. Fluffing his mane a bit, he strutted out into the main clearing of the junkyard. After wiggling his hips a bit, five or six queens surrounded him. A very happy Tugger waved back to an equally relived Misto.  
  
"Thanks for your help. Cori!" Tugger yelled, grinning.  
  
"No, problem," Coricopat answered.  
  
"Thanks from me too," Misto said. Coricopat nodded. "Now," Misto continued, "I better go see if this really worked." Coricopat smiled as Misto walked over to the queens.  
  
"Hello, ladies," he said. They all ignored him. Things were back to normal. Thank heaviside. But he still would never be able to look at Jennyanydots the same way again.  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
A/N: Like? Hate? Don't care either way? Review and tell me! 


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